Can you imagine a spear carrying Billy Crystal in a loincloth? Yes that’s right, the comedian, the actor and the best damn host of the Oscars in living history. Well I had the unfortunate experience of having to imagine just that. It wasn’t pleasant. I stared at the screen wondering if it was true. It was. Wrinkled, bright, white skin and curly black hair framing an Australian sun blaring off his receding sweaty forehead. Spears in hand, boomerangs wedged in his loincloth cord and his big grin begging for fun and adventure. It just wasn’t right! I’d spent years building my own Billy – a fun loving, good looking Aboriginal boy from the bush and in one foul, that’s right – foul, not fell, swoop, Billy Crystal comes along and sears his image into my brain. Ahhhhhhhh!
‘Write it down,’ they say. ‘It’s the best way of releasing your pain. Then throw it away.’ Well, I’m throwing it to the internet – sorry, but in my defence, I am traumatised. I’m sure you understand. Who wouldn’t be? Ahhhhhhhh!
I thought I was being clever – list Billy’s weapons just like the fans are doing with their favourite characters from The Hunger Games. My Urban Hunters series is after all largely about hunting and weapons and such. Cool.
Tweet: ‘Billy’s weapons: 3 spears and a woomera, 2 boomerangs, 2 stone throwers, fishing twine and bone hooks and a crystal bladed knife.’
Then a tweet comes through – it’s Billy Crystal retweeting my tweet. He must have imagined himself as MY Billy and thought it would be funny to let all his followers see the funny side of it too. Well I’m not laughing, Billy! Ahhhhhhhh! Your image is seared into my brain and I can’t get it out! Ahhhhhhhh!
The crystal bladed knife is where I went wrong – being a writer, I have a Google alert set on my name, Gary Taaffe, Billy Crystal obviously has one set on his name too. Ahhhhhhhh! ;)